Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm in a....weird space.

I love this cat pic, because the kitty looks absolutely certifiably insane.  That special sweet but deadly insane, where she could be purring one second and then scratching your eyeball the next.....but aren't most cats like that?  I think that's why some of like them.  We might like living on the edge....  (just sayin'...)

Anyway - it's been a while.  I can't seem to keep up with things - and even though I quit the one job that should have made things easier, (and it did for a while) the insanity started back up.  Things were said and even though I can deny until I choke on it, the answer is.... "it's her truth".   Yeah.  What about my truth and reality?  And how about my rights as an employee?
pretty soon, I can say this to my other job.... or something close-maybe I can think it in my head as I'm telling them I no longer need their little job.
But - just when I was really feeling the worst, in my new job, I've already been recommended for a promotion - to field assistant.  Wow.  So I'm not completely worthless and horrible.  I know I really am not a bad person, but my self esteem has really taken a hit.
But this new job maybe something that I should jump towards - take the plunge.  I'm nervous about it - because it involves meeting people, and keeping an eye on numerous clients and their personal assistants, med pick ups, etc - but my immediate supervisor seems to think I can do it.
One of the downsides is also an upside.  It's a downside, because I'll see my grandchildren less.  But it's an upside, because it's forty hours a week - forty flexible hours.
and - it takes me away from the utter dysfunciton of my other job.  Do - within weeks I'll be in a totally different headspace, and hopefully -doing well at the new job.
Thankful to the universe, god, luck, my friend for looking out for me - etc.  Whatever the combination of fate and friendship allowed me to end up in a place where people think I'm a worthwhile employee.

One of the other downsides - I'm going to miss seeing my grandchildren at lunch, and even working with those pesky hormonal eighth graders during lunch.  I never thought I would actually enjoy working with eighth graders, but I treat them like younger adults, and they seem to respond to that - listening to me when I need them to mellow out, and respecting me (haha, at least to my face) when I show I respect their space.  They were even saying they were going to miss me, and how many times do you hear a teen boy say that to an older graying (haha - just about completely gray haired) yard supervisor?  Shows that when you show respect to a teen, they will reward you with a little respect themselves.  And it's been fun being around them.  So I learned something in the last few years of working with the seventh and eighth graders.
I was actually dreading them when we switched to a k-8th school, and the first few years, we had some very crazed middle school students, but the last few years things have just gotten a bit better each year.  with the students.  With a couple of the staff, it's become a living hell - but it's almost over with.
I just don't understand why the principal doesn't see the insanity and dysfunction in the person she picked to work with us.  She's blind to it.  Other people see it - but ....

Since I quit the afterschool job, all the grief I was receiving has been transferred to the other woman that was working with us.  it's like they have a mission to get rid of anyone over fifty, and they're doing  a good job of it.  Causing stress, lying about her, twisting truths and events to make her look bad, blaming things on her that were their deal.  All the things they pulled on me.  I told her she should quit.  It might be a win for the crazed duo, but she'll feel much freer to be out of that situation.  
I felt better until they started in on me at lunch time.  (they work under my supervision at lunch)

Anyway - I didn't mean to go off on a meandering raving about work post.
But I've been going through some awful shit that no one should have to go through, with some support, but none from the head honcho.  It's amazing to me, and completely mystifying how one or two people can wage a scheme of slander, and purposely ruin one person's reputation...and for what?
payback?  I didn't do anything- only thing I can think of is I told my immediate supervisor in the day care, that it wasn't a good idea to leave children unattended outside for any length of time, even a few minutes.  This is something he did on a regular basis.  I did it in the nicest way possible, telling him he could send a student in to get one of us to go out and cover, if he needed to come inside.  Guess he couldn't take it.
The trouble started shortly after that - insiduous at first, but getting worse and worse.  Then by the time the second person started in on me, when nothing else seemed to be working, I finally quit.
After a couple of months of listening to this woman be rude to me in front of students and actually tell me I didn't do my job right, and speaking to me in a rude tone, then walking off whenever I tried to talk to her, she turned the tables on me and made a complaint to the principal that I bullied her, and all the other staff (I don't) and that I pick on her kids (I don't) and that I'm always rude to her and etc.
I denied this, but was told it was "her truth".
how do you fight that?
You can't.
I can't play head games like that.  I don't know how to work things like that, and I don't choose to.
All this for what?  a seven hour a week job, I am paid three dollars an hour more than the other lunch supervisors, but it's only SEVEN hours a week.
Obviously one of them wants the job.
Well, now they can have it.
I just hope MY grandchildren don't suffer.  Maybe after I quit, I should just come out everyday and have lunch with them.
that's what I'm going to do.
Just to be safe.
I'll be pleasant.  
But I'll stick around their table.

This is something I never expected to have to go through - especially since I was planning on retiring as soon as I could.  And all I wanted was to have a last year or three of pleasant work - all they had to do was be pleasant for a year or so - and I would have been gone anyway.
I just don't get when people deliberately go after one person.
Bullying doesn't just happen in childhood - it goes on and on through out life.
And it can really affect people - it just about ruined me.
Thank god for those who care - though.
I was lucky that a former employee of mine landed a position where she could get me hired on.
And now we're both moving up a bit.
Thank god (or gods, or Mother nature, or the universe, etc)

Rant over for now -
next time I post, hopefully it'll be about books.
Haven't been able to read much - but I did buy myself some new books.

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