2012; a bit of a difficult year with some very fun moments...

I notice that some bloggers do end of year posts, listing all kinds of things like summaries of books they've read, special activities, etc.  I'm not that organized.  Hell, I've been unable to get off my blogging a** and join in the fun of It's Monday, What Are You Reading? or Teaser Tuesdays - two of my favorite weekly blogger memes.  I'm horribly disorganized that way.

There are many books I've forgotten to review (oops!) but then again - it's not like this is a job, this is for fun, and for my own pleasure.  I hope some get something from some of my posts - though I tend to sink into these thoughts of "why would anyone read my blog? I'm not as funny or intelligent as others, etc.  This comes not from a sad state of mind, but from a very shy mind, a mind that had to really push itself to even think about putting myself out there to blog.  Sometimes, the only way I can post a blog is by telling myself not to worry, it's not like anyone is even going to read it anyway; and yet at the same time, I'm actually hoping that people enjoy reading what I might read.  Never, ever claimed to be completely sane - you have to be a little insane to enjoy working with kids, and to have fun with grandchildren. (I say this with a grain of salt - and believe me, it's a fun kind of insanity- not the horrid insanity)  It's what makes it easy to enjoy acting like a little kid with the kids, or letting go and enjoying just being foolish.

Anyway - 2012.  2012 was kind of a rough year for me - and yet there were some very grand moments.  One of the best moments was being told that I didn't REALLY have emphysema.  That was like walking on a cloud for a few months afterwards.  I had been living with this knowledge that I was slowly deteriorating from a fatal lung condition - it was at the back of my mind every day.  When I woke up it was the first thing I thought about.  When I went to sleep it was on my mind.  I tried very hard to joke around about it and be matter of fact, just live around it etc. but it's a hard thing to do.  So when I was told I didn't have it, it was like having a 100 pound weight taken off my shoulders.  Amazing.  I still have problems breathing - due to asthma and a paralyzed diaphragm on the right side.  But it's not emphysema.

Of course now I have to let go of the whole mindset of I'll drink as much pepsi as I want, what does it matter?   haha.

Another very fun thing for me involves my grandchildren.  There is a bittersweet feeling when you watch your grandbabies turn into grandchildren.  On one hand, I miss the baby-ness of them.  The sweetness of grandbabies wanting to be held by grandma and loving all the hugs and kisses.  My granddaughter is now five, going on six.  She still loves many hugs and kisses from me however, my grandson (four years old and way taller than his cousin) however, prefers me to keep my distance, and I have to either pester him with kisses (which I do) or wait patiently for him to come to me on his own terms (haha, when he wants me to give him something, or do something for him).

Watching them grow this past year has been fun even though I'm aware of time passing and seeing them grow from innocent sweet babies and toddlers to young children with tempers, sweetness, questions, answers, and all the idiosyncrasies that little adults in making have.

My granddaughter started kindergarden this year, and I couldn't have asked for a better first teacher for her.  She ended up with one of the best kindergarden teachers I've ever seen throughout my years of working in a school.  And I'm lucky enough to watch her go to school in the very same school that I work in.  There's nothing like being able to see your grandchild here and there through out the day. And she is enjoying her first year of school so very much - which I know is a blessing, not all children have the pleasure of loving their school, their teacher and doing so well.  She is in Kindergarden (which is like first grade was years ago) and recently was able to read an entire picture book to me with only a little bit of help with words.  Her new favorite activity when she spends the night is for us to read a book together (which means, she tries to read the whole thing, and I help a little) and then for us to draw a picture together about the book.  She actually calls it an "activity".   "grandma, it's time for our activity".  What a trip.  

Bittersweet - because now that she has started school, she spends less weekends with us.  Her mom misses her a lot, and also has begun work as a manager at a store, and so it's important that they spend weekends together more than ever.  So we get her every two weekends, for only one night at a time - and on school holidays we're lucky to get her a bit more often.  That's life - you get something things and give up some things.

My grandson - his parents are not together, and yet my son lives with me, so we get to see my grandson every weekend.  Like I stated earlier, my grandson is bit peeved with me when I shower him with too much love, but I do see him hiding smiles while he's pretending to be irritated, so I think it's a bit of a game.  One of the fun things for me is watching him grow into such a big boy.  He's started preschool and seems to be enjoying it.  it's a little harder getting information out of boys about whether they're having fun in a school, because they seem to focus on things like "I do the zipline", and not much else.  If you were to go by what my grandson says, all he does is the zipline - all day, nothing else.  Just zipline.  I'm sure he does other activities, but he only tells me about the zipline.
His mom has a new relationship, and together they've created a baby.  It was very fun watching the grandson look forward and anticipate the birth of his baby brother.  According to mom, everyday, he would hug her belly and say good morning  to "baby brother".  He really wanted her to name the baby Buford, but she would not go for it.  Of course, we told him that he could call his bro that as a nickname.  lol.  
When baby was born, she invited us up to the hospital to visit and her boyfriend handed me the baby - saying to the baby "this is one of your grandmas".  I just about melted.  There is no claim - I have to right to the baby, but they are choosing to involve us a little bit, because we are the grandparents of big bro.  I think that is wonderful, and all along we did tell her that we would love the baby just as much as our grandson, because he is the baby bro of grandson.  Now the baby has his own two sets of grandparents to help out, but we've let her and the daddy know that if they ever need a babysitter, etc, we're happy to help out.  And after the baby went home from the hospital, they actually brought the baby by and had a nice hour long visit with us, letting me hold the baby the whole time.  Precious.  Thank god for good relations between extended families.  I was able to get a couple pictures of the whole new family - with daddy, mommy, baby and big brother.  From what I hear, big brother is doing very well - only having a few issues like crying more, a little regression, etc. - which is to be expected.  But he is treating the baby very well, and gives lots of attention and kisses to baby brother.  He is a very sweet little boy.

Books -

I managed to get through 64 books.  At least there are 64 books that I remembered to list as I finished them.  Most of the books I finished I enjoyed very much.  I don't finish boring books, so when I do finish a book, they're good books.

I'm not really making any goals or new year resolutions - other than to try to read a few more books, and to try to be a little more active physically.

It's been very hard for me to move around - especially during this very cold winter.  Arthritis is raising its horrible head, causing lots of pain through out my body - even elbows, toe bones, even the bottoms of my feet hurt.  On my days off I tend to spend most of them in bed, or relaxing - covered up, in extreme pain (takes at least four hours until the pain meds completely kick in - which is ridiculous).  It's usually not until afternoon that I feel decent.  I try to ignore the pain by reading or watching t.v., but I've been finding that even holding a book has become a bit difficult.  Whatever - that's not going to make me give up reading -love it way too much.  I've already had an increase in the main pain medicine - but it's not enough.  I never though I would say this, but I can't wait for hotter weather.  Used to hate hot weather.  Still don't really like it, but it's not as torturous living in warm weather as I'm finding this cold weather.  Now I understand why older people love to move to Arizona (hot state) or Florida.  Or why when my mom comes to visit from Panama, she can't stand the cold.  Panama is a very warm, humid country.  When I visited my mom, I noticed that my pain meds worked perfectly - I was the most comfortable.  I was sticky and hot, but the pain level was at it's lowest.
So I'm just going to keep bundled up, and wait for warmer weather. 
EXCEPT...
hot flashes.

Oh.
My.
God.

Hot flashes SUCK.
One minute I'm shivering with pain, trying to stay warm and the next minute I'm changing into a tank top and shorts because I'm so f=ing HOT....and it's 30 degrees outside - which is where I want to be when the hot flashes hit.
Started out with just a hot flash once in the morning, one in the afternoon and one or two at night.
Now it's off and on ALL. DAY. LONG.
this needs to end.
I'm over it.
will have to look up some natural remedies for hot flashes - but it has to be simple, because I have no patience for multiple stepped remedies.
any recommendations?

Here's to a happy and sane new year for everyone - 

How many of you are secretly relieved we didn't have the end of the world?
How many were secretly worried about it, even though logically you knew it was silly to think of the world ending just because the Mayan Calender ended?
more on that later....